Question: What does a parent need to know about raising their child to be happy and well adjusted?

Answer: Your child needs to know that she is the sun, the moon and the stars in your sky. She needs to feel special and loved. She needs to know that you love her always and she has no need to seek love and approval - that she is enough just because she is herself.

You can do this by speaking to her in a voice filled with love and approval always. Never tell her she is bad. You cannot expect to speak in cold or uncaring tones of voice on a consistent basis and create a child who knows that she is loved. You are one of the two most important people in her life and she sees you as someone who knows everything. Because of this it is very easy for you inflict wounds on her spirit that may never heal. A careless word of criticism uttered in impatience or anger cuts much deeper than you may ever realize.

A child needs to be told every day that she is beautiful, bright and capable. Always she needs to know that she is the light of your life. She needs to live with love and approval. When this happens she grows to be a strong, confident, capable and independent person who doesn’t need the approval of others. Not feeling the need to have the approval of her peers leaves her free to be who she is and who she wants to be.

This doesn’t mean having a child who is wild or undisciplined. On the contrary. She can be taught to respect authority. Show your child every day that you expect the best from her and she will want to give you her best. Speak lovingly even when you must discipline her. Teach her respect for herself and others but do it gently and firmly.

Being harsh or cold and distant will produce a child who does not feel worthy of the love and approval she desires. It will result in her needing the approval of her peers. It will rob her of her self-esteem and self-confidence. It will make her resentful and often belligerent. I am sure that in your life you have people close to you who are needy and demanding. They are those who need constant reassurance that they are loved because they feel unlovable or unworthy. Is this what you want for your child? Of course not!

If you want her to feel special and worthy and live a life in which she is free to laugh, sing and love herself and others unconditionally, then let her know every day that she is loved and valued for who she is. Show her that she makes your world light up just by being in it.

You know that this is true but don’t expect her to know it unless you show it in all your interactions with her. There is nobody you love more than the beautiful little being you brought into the world. Let her see it in your eyes and hear it in your voice always.

That is how you will give her what she really needs to live life on her own terms. Loving your child is not spoiling her. There is a tremendous difference. Don’t be afraid to love her unconditionally. There is no greater gift you can give to her or yourself.