Question: Can you give me some simple, real, practical advice to help me stay in a positive, happy place when those closest to me talk and act in ways that I don’t like or approve of?

Question: Can you give me some simple, real, practical advice to help me stay in a positive, happy place when those closest to me talk and act in ways that I don’t like or approve of? I love these people and don’t want to remove them from my life but I have great difficulty maintaining a harmonious relationship with them and living the life of peace, joy and abundance that means so much to me.

Answer: You say you want real practical advice. You want to be shown the way to a happy life that doesn’t involve living in isolation. Let me begin by saying that it is not helpful to blame others for your state of mind. It is not really what they are doing, but rather your attention to it, that is causing you anxiety. Much internal conflict comes from the need to change the behavior of others.

Regarding your children, let go of the need to control or fix their lives. Their lives and their decisions are theirs alone. You don’t need to approve of or suffer for the decisions they make. When their lives become too painful, they will be motivated to change the things they are doing. Find a way to visualize them healthy and happy and living the life of their dreams and let go. Give unconditional love instead of criticism and advice. You will do more for them that way.

Look at what are they doing right. Put your attention on that. It is almost impossible to eliminate all the things you don’t like from your life. But you can eliminate them from your field of attention by focusing instead on the things you do like and appreciate.

But I think you already know this. Keep your attention on the things in others and in your life that you enjoy. Do not judge the actions and decisions of others. Make an agreement with yourself that you will first perfect yourself, and only then set about judging and perfecting the rest of the world.

Trying to change another is a waste of your precious time and totally unproductive. Let other people live life the way they choose. If their behavior doesn’t work for you and is causing you anxiety, simply get away from them. It is not necessary for you to pretend to approve or agree with their behavior. Why not be honest and say, “This doesn’t work for me” and remove yourself or set boundaries and compromises that allow you to enjoy the part of them that works for you and let the rest go. Be honest about your feelings without being judgmental or unkind. In that way you can enjoy your life.

Take responsibility for only one person – YOU. Let the rest do it their way. If they come to you with complaints, simply say, “I can see how that would not work for you. But I’m sure you’ll find a way to change or fix it. I have confidence in you.” Don’t get involved, and don’t make it your problem. If you are able to master this, living harmoniously with others will become easier and you will all be much happier.