Question: I’ve lost my best friend. I love her and I loved being her friend, but situations changed and we have drifted apart. That is not what bothers me so much as the feeling that our friendship has ended, and  it appears that she doesn’t want to continue our friendship on any level. I don’t know why this happened, and I don’t know why it hurts me so much. Can you help me understand why it has happened and how to accept it without this feeling of loss.

Answer: You feel the loss because when someone loves you they are raising what we call your vibration or energy level and thus bringing you closer to alignment with your inner being, and that feel good. However, when you are dependent on the love and approval of another to feel good, you are giving away your power, and this is never what you want to do.

Is it possible that you have evolved in the last few years and your energy is no longer compatible; in other words, this friend and you are no longer on the same vibrational energy level. You can still feel love for her but because you are no longer in vibrational harmony, you are not drawn to one another in the way you were in the past. You are sad because you think that you have lost something or someone precious from your life, but she is not gone. She still is connected to you through the memories you share. Let go. Allow life to flow and know that you will always have all the love and friendship you need.

She is in this life for herself just as you are, and your close friendship is no longer necessary for her happiness, so she is letting it go. Other friends more suited to this stage of her life have been attracted by her. That is OK. It is as it should be. It’s not a loss for you. You can continue to remember the times you spent together fondly and allow her to add joy to your life that way.

Never try to interfere with the flow of your life. Relax, let go, allow all things to come and go, knowing nothing is ever lost but has merely been replaced by something more suited to bringing you closer to the alignment you desire. Bless her every day and give thanks for the time you had together.

When you do this, your life will be filled with other wonderful friends who will bring their own love and joy. So many resist change because they fear that the future will not be all they are wanting it to be, but that is not the case. Life is meant to be a constantly changing series of events and adventures and holding tightly on to the past can only serve to rob you of the joys that wait for you. Life is meant to be good, you are meant to be happy, so relax and allow it to flow as it is intended. It will and it will bring its own kind of happiness.

Question: Can we talk more about staying in alignment with who I really am, the larger part of me. I want to do that as much as possible because it feels so good to be that way. Can you give me more advice and more do’s and don’ts to make it easier to stay consistently peaceful, joyful and in alignment or to get back to that place when I need to.

Answer: If you haven’t tried the focus wheel yet, it is a magnificent tool for getting back in alignment and it is a very simple and effective process. Just draw a circle. Put your problem in the middle and then go around the circle’s perimeter and where each hour of the clock would be write a dozen positive thoughts or ideas pertaining to it. By the time you have finished this exercise, you will feel better. If you have not achieved the state of mind that you are wanting, you will, at the very least, have achieved an improved mental and emotional state.

You give too much of your attention to the people and events that trouble you. I know you think that by doing that you will eventually resolve the situation, but this is not how it works. It is imperative that you keep your attention on the things that make you happy, for example on your dreams, rather than on the “hows” of making them a reality.

It is important to understand and accept that, regardless of how much you would like to, you cannot create in another’s reality. You already know that and yet you spend much of your time and energy trying to do just that. You cannot make another happy by giving them anything other than unconditional love. You do this by allowing them to be who they are, do what they want to do, and deal with the consequences of their actions. You must stop trying to fix other people’s lives if you want to be happy yourself. Channel God’s love and peace to everyone, help others where you can, but take responsibility for nobody’s life but your own.

Humans seem to feel that because they gave birth to others, they have committed themselves to take responsibility for these others “till death do us part.” This is not so. Each of us comes into this world to create the life we choose. We don’t expect to depend on others to make our decisions or fix our problems. When you attempt to do that, you not only rob them of the opportunity to grow to the full extent they can, but you rob yourself of the opportunity to live the perfect life you want to live.

Don’t take it all so seriously. Life is supposed to be good. It is supposed to be fun. You never came to struggle and worry. Look for the good in everything. Put your attention on that. Focus on your own dreams and challenges. Know that everything is as it should be. Love others, trust them to create the life they want, give them room to learn and grow, bless them, flow God’s love and then let go. When you are able to do that, you will find that peace and joy will consistently fill you days and your life will be all you could ever dream it to be.

Question: How do I change the negative feelings I have about money to positive love of money? Can you show me some steps I can take that will help me make the shift that will let me attract the prosperity I want into my life quickly and easily and make it stick to me this time.

Answer: It is not so much that you are seeing money negatively is it? It is that your spouse has great negativity and fear about money. He fears being old and lacking in money. What you really need to know is how can you feel good about money and live in harmony with someone who doesn’t .

I admit it is difficult but you have to find a way if you are to attract the money you are wanting. You love money because you see it as the doorway to freedom from stress and the pathway to fun. Life was meant to be good, life was meant to be fun. Money is not really necessary for that but it does broaden your choices of ways to do it.

There are three steps to getting anything you want – ask, believe, allow. It is not more complicated than that. Ask for what you want. Just once is enough to ask but you can ask every day if you choose. See yourself with what you want. Visualize the way life will be when you are in possession of the amount of money you are asking for. Get in the feeling place of it. Then let go. Don’t try to make it happen but be conscious of any ideas or opportunities that come your way. Be prepared to act if the opportunity arises to increase your prosperity but do not worry or stress about it. Relax. Enjoy the moment you are now living. Life is just a series of moments. Live every one to the fullest, comfortable in the knowledge that what you want is already on its way and, in fact, when you look around you will see evidence of it already appearing.

There are so many ways for money to come to you. Don’t fixate on any one individual way and convince yourself that it is your only possible way to attract the prosperity you desire. Be prepared to act, but don’t expect money to come through action alone. What you do is miniscule in comparison with what you choose to think. When you believe it, you will see it.

There isn’t a magic wand that you can wave to change your partner’s way of thinking. All you can do is be yourself. Be happy and let your loving, positive energy raise him up – it will. Put your attention on what is good in your life and the rest will fall into place. Love your life and everyone in it. That’s really the answer.

Have faith in him. He will work through this in his own way. Just be patient and allow him to find his way to the peace and joy that you live. It will happen because he wants what you have. Be the light! All is well.

If you have any questions or comments, you can contact me at carol@thebreakoutlife.com.  I would love to hear from you.

If you have any questions you would like to have addressed, you can email me at carol@thebreakoutlife.com.  I would love to hear from you.

Answer: Your child needs to know that she is the sun, the moon and the stars in your sky. She needs to feel special and loved. She needs to know that you love her always and she has no need to seek love and approval - that she is enough just because she is herself.

You can do this by speaking to her in a voice filled with love and approval always. Never tell her she is bad. You cannot expect to speak in cold or uncaring tones of voice on a consistent basis and create a child who knows that she is loved. You are one of the two most important people in her life and she sees you as someone who knows everything. Because of this it is very easy for you inflict wounds on her spirit that may never heal. A careless word of criticism uttered in impatience or anger cuts much deeper than you may ever realize.

A child needs to be told every day that she is beautiful, bright and capable. Always she needs to know that she is the light of your life. She needs to live with love and approval. When this happens she grows to be a strong, confident, capable and independent person who doesn’t need the approval of others. Not feeling the need to have the approval of her peers leaves her free to be who she is and who she wants to be.

This doesn’t mean having a child who is wild or undisciplined. On the contrary. She can be taught to respect authority. Show your child every day that you expect the best from her and she will want to give you her best. Speak lovingly even when you must discipline her. Teach her respect for herself and others but do it gently and firmly.

Being harsh or cold and distant will produce a child who does not feel worthy of the love and approval she desires. It will result in her needing the approval of her peers. It will rob her of her self-esteem and self-confidence. It will make her resentful and often belligerent. I am sure that in your life you have people close to you who are needy and demanding. They are those who need constant reassurance that they are loved because they feel unlovable or unworthy. Is this what you want for your child? Of course not!

If you want her to feel special and worthy and live a life in which she is free to laugh, sing and love herself and others unconditionally, then let her know every day that she is loved and valued for who she is. Show her that she makes your world light up just by being in it.

You know that this is true but don’t expect her to know it unless you show it in all your interactions with her. There is nobody you love more than the beautiful little being you brought into the world. Let her see it in your eyes and hear it in your voice always.

That is how you will give her what she really needs to live life on her own terms. Loving your child is not spoiling her. There is a tremendous difference. Don’t be afraid to love her unconditionally. There is no greater gift you can give to her or yourself.

Question: Can you show me some little tricks that I can use to keep myself going with the flow of my life. I want to live my life every day without resistance. Help me to catch myself before I fall. Give me the answers I can use every day.

Answer: Let’s start by talking about money since so many make their happiness dependent on having financial abundance. In order to allow money to flow to you and stick to you, you can play a sort of game. Here is what you can do. Every time you pay for an item or a service, rather than feeling tense or resentful, feel happy because you are helping someone else with your money. See the employees of the company being able to provide a good life for themselves and their families because of the money you are giving their company. Feel good about your ability to help others.

When requests for donations come , rather than saying no or giving grudgingly, give to every one of them that you feel good about, whatever you are comfortable giving. It can be any amount. The amount doesn’t matter as long as you give in a spirit of generosity and abundance. Feel good about helping someone else. It will tell law of attraction that you are prosperous and that will draw more money into your life. There is a law of life that says “Give and you receive.”

When you go to the grocery store, rather than complaining about the time and effort you are putting into it, give thanks with your whole heart for the abundance of food available to you and the money in your bank account that allows you to buy what you need or want. Gratitude brings more of everything you want into your life so always try to live with an attitude of gratitude.

Next allow the people around you to feel and behave the way they want to rather than judging them or trying to change their behavior. In fact, don’t even think about it. Don’t take it personally – it’s never about you. Don’t let your peace and happiness be dependent on their behaving in a certain way. We are all entitled to our feelings and we are not responsible for the way others feel. This means that it is not somebody else’s responsibility to behave in ways that make you happy. It is your job to find a way to be happy despite the attitudes or behaviors of those around you.

It’s not really all that hard to do. Just bless them always and send them love. If it is someone outside your close circle of family and friends, wish them well and distance yourself from them. If it is someone close to you, someone you love, rather than trying to change their behavior to something that is more acceptable to you, send them love, bless them and wish them peace, and then turn your attention to other people or activities that are more in line with how you want to feel.

Remember, feeling good is everything. It will bring you everything you desire and dream of. To feel good you must be willing to allow the world and people around you to be whom and what they are. So much of our lives is wasted because we give our power to others. When you make your happiness dependent on anything outside yourself, you will find yourself stressed and unhappy much more often than you would like to be. You are the power in your life. Your power is what gives you freedom and joy. Never sell it for money or exchange it for love, acceptance or material possessions. Love yourself unconditionally and everything else will fall into place.

Question: I can see that many of the things I’ve done that I feel bad about now were because of my need to control the events of my life. Show me how to live and enjoy life, letting it flow without the stress of needing to be in control. Show me how to treat others with kindness and respect regardless of their behavior and how to live my life in a state of peace.

Answer: Let your need for control extend only to yourself and your thoughts and emotions. Give unconditional love to all who cross your path in life. Love and acceptance is really what most are looking for but rarely find. Let them be who they are and love them anyway. This doesn’t mean that you should let others treat you badly. Just go ahead, feel good all the days of your life. If there are people or events or even animals that you feel are causing you to be any other way than joyful and peaceful, bless them, take your attention away from them and spend you precious time and energy focusing on those people and things that are in alignment with your dreams and visions.

Of course, you’ve made mistakes in the past, done and said things you don’t like or approve of now. That is just part of the journey. When you know better, you do better. It is exciting and wonderful that you have grown to a place where you can see the person that you were as a less evolved being. Don’t judge her harshly. Bless her, love her and thank her for the help she has given you on the way to the place you now live. Then let go of the need to control anything outside of you, and have a great life.

Question: Why do I punish myself over and over for things I did in the past that were inappropriate or stupid? How can I let them go once and for all so I don’t cringe every time they come into my mind and still find myself continuing to feel bad years later?

Answer: The things you worry over are so small and unimportant that nobody thinks of them but you. It is impossible to go back and change them so you must let them go. It is too late to rewrite the past. Wipe the slate clean and write the future. Haven’t you done things to outshine the faux pas since then?

You’ve done so many bigger things both good and bad since then. Why hold on to that particular incident? Embarrassment? Ego? You’re dealing with ego again and its need for drama. It’s time to grow and move beyond the power of ego to control your life, and allow yourself to spend time in the vibrational place where you want to be.

So many people love and admire you. Why waste time on events and people who diminish the beauty of that? Stay in the now. Live in the now. Love and appreciate the now. It’s all you have, and it’s wonderful. Let go of the past. Let go of what you can’t change or control. Life is beautiful and so are you. The past has helped to create the person you are now, and now will shape your future. This is the past you will remember before long. Live it. Love it. Make it a past that will fill you with joy and pride.

Why not stay in the now and focus only on things that make you happy. Let everything else go. Having a successful, peaceful, happy life is all about feeling good inside.

This is a good place to begin to use positive affirmations that will help you to let go of the past mistakes and negativity. For example, if you haven’t already, begin today to say, “I love myself, I forgive myself, I approve of myself.”

Add to it another affirmation such as, “I am willing to let go of the past. I am ready to live happily in the now.” Say it every morning, every night and as often in between as you can. In the beginning it may not feel true to you, but if you are faithful to saying it, you will very shortly see the things in the past that you feel bad about disappear from your memory.

Affirmations are truly miracle workers. Let them work miracles for you.

Question: Can you give me some simple, real, practical advice to help me stay in a positive, happy place when those closest to me talk and act in ways that I don’t like or approve of? I love these people and don’t want to remove them from my life but I have great difficulty maintaining a harmonious relationship with them and living the life of peace, joy and abundance that means so much to me.

Answer: You say you want real practical advice. You want to be shown the way to a happy life that doesn’t involve living in isolation. Let me begin by saying that it is not helpful to blame others for your state of mind. It is not really what they are doing, but rather your attention to it, that is causing you anxiety. Much internal conflict comes from the need to change the behavior of others.

Regarding your children, let go of the need to control or fix their lives. Their lives and their decisions are theirs alone. You don’t need to approve of or suffer for the decisions they make. When their lives become too painful, they will be motivated to change the things they are doing. Find a way to visualize them healthy and happy and living the life of their dreams and let go. Give unconditional love instead of criticism and advice. You will do more for them that way.

Look at what are they doing right. Put your attention on that. It is almost impossible to eliminate all the things you don’t like from your life. But you can eliminate them from your field of attention by focusing instead on the things you do like and appreciate.

But I think you already know this. Keep your attention on the things in others and in your life that you enjoy. Do not judge the actions and decisions of others. Make an agreement with yourself that you will first perfect yourself, and only then set about judging and perfecting the rest of the world.

Trying to change another is a waste of your precious time and totally unproductive. Let other people live life the way they choose. If their behavior doesn’t work for you and is causing you anxiety, simply get away from them. It is not necessary for you to pretend to approve or agree with their behavior. Why not be honest and say, “This doesn’t work for me” and remove yourself or set boundaries and compromises that allow you to enjoy the part of them that works for you and let the rest go. Be honest about your feelings without being judgmental or unkind. In that way you can enjoy your life.

Take responsibility for only one person – YOU. Let the rest do it their way. If they come to you with complaints, simply say, “I can see how that would not work for you. But I’m sure you’ll find a way to change or fix it. I have confidence in you.” Don’t get involved, and don’t make it your problem. If you are able to master this, living harmoniously with others will become easier and you will all be much happier.

Question: I understand that perfect health is my natural state. I love and appreciate my perfect health. Is there something I should know about maintaining my health beyond the basics that I am aware of such as eat well, exercise, and reduce stress?

Answer: Be a channel of peace. Peace of mind transfers to the body. Every cell vibrates with energy. Peaceful energy brings perfect alignment and perfect health. Doing the right things physically is important. But living peace every day is so much more important. Living peace allows you to feel and appreciate the joy and beauty that surrounds you. Joy and beauty bring happiness and happiness in turn creates a physical environment where perfect health can flourish.

To create this life where peace is your natural way of being, you must first love yourself unconditionally. Self love is more rare than you would think. Most people are unaware that they harbor inside them a tremendous amount of anger, resentment, self loathing, and insecurity. They are filled with doubt about their value, worth, and even whether they are deserving of love. In virtually all cases this is the result of the way they were treated by those around them in their early years, most particularly those that they looked up to.

Do you love yourself? A simple way to find out is to look in the mirror and say the words, “I love you and I accept you just the way you are.” This method created by Louise Hay and discussed in her book “You Can Heal Your Life”, is a quick and simple way to discover how you really feel about yourself. Very few people are comfortable looking themselves in the eye and saying the words, “I love you and accept you just the way you are.” If you find it difficult to do this, it would be a good idea to get a copy of Louise’s book. It can change your life and help you cure your present health problems and prevent future illness. It is a wonderful book, filled with life-changing information.

Of all the gifts you are blessed with, perhaps none is more important than perfect health. Yet it is the one that is most taken for granted. Having an attitude of gratitude is one way to attract more of the good things of life and this applies equally to your health. Give thanks often. Learn to love yourself. Create and use a few simple affirmations every day to help you remove any resistance you may have and increase the flow of perfect health to and through you.

*Note: One of my favorite affirmations, one that I love, is this: “I love myself. I forgive myself. I approve of myself.” This is such a simple thing to remember and say and it has changed my life. Why not give it a try and see what it can do for you.